Greene and Boebert go at it, in TRG's take on what's happening in the Speaker battle.
How sad. They used to be friends, if you can have friends in today's GOP.
Ed Note: The Republican Party’s difficulty in choosing a speaker has called into question Donald Trump’s influence on the Republican Party. Trump's choice of Kevin McCarthy was opposed largely by the Freedom Caucus, a group of about 10-20 hard right MAGA Republicans who have hitched their wagons to Trump’s star power while he was president and in various ways supported his attempted January 6 coup.
Now, this ultra MAGA group seems to be stiff-arming their former leader by stiff-arming McCarthy. Why? TRG has envisioned how, based on reporting by the New York Times, Washington Post, and CNN on the speaker selection process..and from a little creative reading between the lines.
GREENE: “Hey, Boebert! What’s with your ditching Kevin? And Trump! Kevin is Trump’s choice for speaker and McCarthy has promised us everything we’ve asked for—like zeroing out any federal employee’s pay for alleged misdeeds as determined by the Republican majority (probably too late for newly retired Anthony Fauci); creating a select committee to investigate how the Department of Justice and FBI have “weaponized the federal government,” advertising the Republican caucus’s built-in bias about their mission; ending Union protection for always overworked Hill staffers; and allowing the “public” (see wealthy or stooge members of the “public”) to charge Congresspeople with ethics violations for vote by the full House. Every god-fearing Republican should be OK with that.
“By the way, Congresswoman Boebert, that purple velveteen jacket you’re wearing with what looks like a dinner napkin at your throat is god awful.
“But I suppose the Farm and Feed store in Western Colorado’s 3rd District doesn’t offer much in its Ladies Wear section…Suggest joining me in Atlanta for some real shopping. You know, buying clothes that actually make you look good.”
BOEBERT: “Back off b**ch. At least I’m not spending all my do-re-mi on divorce lawyers. Whatsa matter? Your ex husband Perry couldn’t stand that raspy screech you call a voice any longer? Find someone who isn’t a b*ll-breaker to his liking? Wouldn’t be surprised…”
Greene now unrestrainedly lunges for Boebert’s throat, which is conveniently exposed by the odd white dinner napkin-looking dickie Boebert chose for nominating Byron Donalds, a sophomore Congressman out of Florida, for House Speaker.
But Greene then thinks better of engaging in any physical violence at the moment and decides to use her words to get back at Boebert, for now.
GREENE: “Look, we’ve gotta get this speaker thing done, and you, Gaetz, Biggs, and a minority of others of your ilk aren’t helping. Trump wants Kevin. Isn’t that enough? Plus, Kevin gave you campaign money. Can’t you show him some loyalty for that?”
BOEBERT: “Look around, Dearie. Trump’s in Florida and we’re in DC. His midterm picks bombed and he’s got legal troubles up the whazoo. He ain’t such a big deal any more. We can be MAGA better without him at this point. And if I were you, and I’m glad I ain’t, I’d stop dreamin’ of being number two on his ticket.
“If he runs again, people won’t vote for him the way they did back in the day. Plus, there’s a new number two girl in town. And her name’s Kari Lake. Or haven’t you noticed how he looks at her up there on the dais? He’s smitten now with the Arizonan. So, goodbye you.”
GREENE: “That loser?”
BOEBERT: “You bet. And as for campaign money, Kevin simply knew a good bet when he saw one. Made sense to back this winner.”
GREENE: “Yeah, you barely squeaked by with not even 500 votes. Big whoop. I got 63 percent. So shut up, Twerp, and take some notes.”
BOEBERT: “I don’t take notes”
GREENE: “Neither do I, Dropout. But at least I know how to. You’ve never met a classroom you didn’t hate.”
BOEBERT: “Yeah, but it hasn’t hurt me much. I make the same amount of money as you.”
GREENE: “Yeah, genius. But neither one of us is drawing a paycheck from Uncle Sam as long as there’s no speaker.
“I’m not OK with how you MF’ers are lyin’, lyin’, lyin’ to get a little traction on this thing. You’ll have to answer to ME for all this BS you’re slingin’.”
BOEBERT: “Ooo, look who’s got her undies all up in a wad for lyin’! You’ve been teaching the rest of us how to lie with a straight face from Day One. Like what you said at Nick Fuentes’ conference last summer when you said you were all about fighting the cancel culture. And then you, you’re all about canceling anyone you don’t agree with, including Gaetz and me. We used to hang out.
“So, as for lying, we’ve learned from the master. Now it’s your turn to shut your pie hole.”
GREENE: “You dumb-as-rocks, GED-schooled, cat-eyed creep!” (Seriously lunges, this time.)
BOEBERT: Reaches in her stilettoed cowboy boots and pulls out a 9 mm Luger Mini Baby. “Back off, bottle-head. Remember, we’re in The Land of Anything Goes now, thanks to Trump, you, and everything Republicans have done for two years and never suffered the consequences for.
“Without Trump, you’re just another MAGA whacko trying to get what she can while she can, the needs of our constituents be damned. Nobody is better or deserves respect than the rest of us. It’s Lord of the Flies time, and me and five others are the Lords, and you’re the flies. And you and the rest of this stupid country better learn to live with it.
“Now if you excuse me, the cameras are calling, and as I’ve gotta make the five o’clock news back home. See ya.”
Boebert walks out, first restoring her mini Luger to its place in the sole of her boot, its cold steel warming her version of a “heart” as she exits.
Greene sits down dejectedly, believing to her core she’s momentarily been bested by someone way beneath her station, which she has.
Finally, Greene slowly gets up, seemingly experiencing a new determination not to let Boebert and her cohorts get the best of her.
Something, perhaps a memory shared deeply with the past, comes over her. As it does, she turns up her face as if recognizing a light she believes bears an important message.
As if it does, Greene then shakes her fist skyward as fellow Georgian Scarlett O’Hara did so many years ago, vowing, this time, not to scheme her way back into Rhett Butler’s heart, but to never give up McCarthy’s fight for speaker. And so she emits the same words Scarlett spoke, but now for this different purpose. Greene says, “Tomorrow (and all of next week, for that matter) is another day!”
And so it is.
—trg